Posted by: crudbasher | March 8, 2013

First Blog Post From My Son (Age 1 Month)

Today my son Nicholas is 1 month old. I thought I would let him write this blog post to celebrate. 🙂

Greetings and salutations net denizens! My name is Nicholas and my Daddy suggested I tell you a bit about my life. Today marks one month since my parole from solitary confinement. Mind you, my previous domicile wasn’t all that bad. It was warm, I had food 24/7 and there was a pool. Still, this place has been decent too. I’m thinking it is some sort of halfway house. I’ll probably have to spend some time here until I have proven I can make it out in the “real world”. Shouldn’t take that long.

Mommy and Me

Mommy and Me

My day to day existence is shared with several people. My primary staff member is a person called “Mommy”. Although I have only known her since I got here, she seems kind of familiar to me. She is usually very kind to me but still feels the need to strip me naked periodically to “change” me. I think I am secure in who I am so I make my displeasure abundantly clear to her while this is happening. Really though she has lots of good qualities. She is warm and very patient. She also has a portable buffet built in. lol. I have been working with her on adjusting her sleep circadian rhythms and am making progress. I now have her going to sleep at about 2am. Hopefully Daylight Savings won’t disrupt my careful training.

Daddy and Me

Daddy and Me

There is another person called “Daddy” who I am not too sure about. He tends to disappear in the morning and leave Mommy to do everything herself. He then comes home in time to make dinner. Only then does he really interact with me. He enunciates all these things he wants to do with me when I get older but so far I haven’t seen a lot of action. I mean, I am older every day right? Oh, and that’s another thing, he is always telling me I am a “good boy”. You know once is fine but after the 20th time, I think I get the picture. I’ve been training him in diaper maintenance since he seems to be physically incapable of feeding me. I figure waste not want not. Often times I do a 2 stage poopy. He will finally get me changed and dressed, and then I ” let slip the dogs of war” again (I can never resist a little Shakespeare). Lately I have been working on the smell of the poopy and making quite a lot of progress judging from the looks on Mommy and Daddy’s faces. I wonder if they see my fleeting grin?

Cats and Me

Cats and Me (and Daddy)

The other two companions in the house are small and furry. Apparently they are called cats. Honestly at first I thought they were inmates like me. I mean they sleep most of the day, eat and poop. I realize now that they are actually the ones running this place. Occasionally one of them will come over to me and give me a sniff, like they are doing an inspection. Other than that they seem to do nothing else. Does that mean they work for the government? I’ll have to investigate them further. Just wait till I get mobile…

The "Fan"

The “Fan”

There is one other matter that has been occupying my thoughts. On the ceiling of my sleeping chamber is an object which the Daddy calls a “fan”. It is brown and has 5 blades. I have spent considerable time watching it closely but I have not yet seen it do anything. Yet there it stoically sits, hanging over me like a Sword of Damocles. It’s maddening. Sometimes while I am close to sleep, I will open one eye just a crack to check on it, but so far it has kept it’s cards close to the vest. I am determined to decipher it’s purpose.

So overall I am pleased with how things are going. Mommy and Daddy are getting better at their tasks and I can’t help but love them. Hmm would it be awkward if Mommy and Daddy were to come across these musing? I guess but since they are on the Internet; who’s going to read them?

Till next time then! I’ll leave you with a bit of Kipling.

“This is a brief life, but in its brevity it offers us some splendid moments, some meaningful adventures.”
― Rudyard Kipling, Kim

-Nicholas

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